"Beat up the baby"

So today at the park I was letting Perrin play around, meaning: cruise around on the playground equipment and attempt to eat handfuls of wood chips every time I took my eyes off of her.   Up runs a little boy, who starts climbing around near her, saying something over and over.  "Beam up the baby." No, that's not it.  "Be the baby." No. [Listening closer...]  "Beat up the baby.  Beat up the baby.  Beat up the baby."  Seriously, little six year old was climbing around chanting, yes chanting, "Beat up the baby."  That is the only thing he would say.  Over and over and over...  "Ok Perrin! [big smile that shows nothing is amiss] Time to go home!"  I'd like to hear that kid's story. 

~

Joseph gets home from Mexico tomorrow!  He has been there for 6 days in Merida training nurses in a dialysis clinic.  This is nothing to my productivity for the week which involved keeping the baby alive and replacing our 2nd hand armchair from LensCrafters with a 2nd hand armchair from Craig's List.  It is a futon chair my friends; YES A FUTON CHAIR!  Who knew these things even existed!  Of course you have to be 7 years old or younger to be able to sleep on the thing---BUT IT'S A FUTON CHAIR!  Anyway, I like it and it only cost me $15.  

So as for our family news...I am going back to work for 4 days a week starting on the 5th, and Joseph has officially worked his last day in the office with Davita, AND, Perrin's 1st day of day care is the 12th.  Thing are really changing for all three of us, and I really think it will make us all happier.  It has been a tough year in the Clere-Callis household.  Some change is pretty welcome at this point to be honest.  Joseph gets to pursue his passion of working daily with tongue depressors [that's what Doctors do, right?], I get to again have a more multifaceted daily life, and Perrin gets to socialize with some other children and learn all the good curse words from them, as they are twice as old as her.  2 year olds know all the good curse words.

I don't mean to say that being a stay-at-home parent is lame and one dimensional.  Lots of people are able to do that work and not lose themselves, turning into only "mother" or "father."  But I personally just have such a hard time turning off my "mom" mode, and have done a poor job still being myself.  I know that going back to work at LensCrafters isn't exactly going to sooth my soul and allow me to be my best self, but it will get me out of the house where I only have to worry about my own actions for about 8 hours, 4 days a week.  I will also get to talk to other adults as much as I want to---which for those of you who know me [meaning everyone, as I'm pretty sure my blog following is my sister and my mother] this means maybe a few muttered words every couple of hours, as I am a big hater of the human race, which all of my co-works will surely be a part of.  

 ~

I was shopping at the Goodwill the other day and bought this t-shirt for myself because I liked the graphic on it and it happened to be my size.  I wore it over to Tara and Jeff's house and Jeff was like, "You like 'Pretty Lights?'"  And this is where, if I was a quick thinker on my feet I would have said, "Oh yeah, they are super cool.  Love that band." But then I would have been wrong, because it's not a band.  Evidently Pretty Lights is a DJ, or something, who is from here in Denver---and I guess he is supposed to be pretty cool.  Yep, that's the kind of hip I am...inadvertently hip.   

It's funny the roller coaster of "cool" one goes through in ones life. When you are an adolescent, I think everyone feels un-cool--maily due to the fact that everyone's armpits are starting to smell.  Then you get into your early 20's and you realize that there isn't just one kind of cool and you definitely feel like you are, in this unique way.  Then you get into your 30's [ok, maybe I am just speaking for myself] and you realize in some random moment while you are talking to some younger, more interestingly dressed person [who probably doesn't go to bed before 11pm], and they are saying, "You know, *[insert quirky band name]?  They are playing at the bla bla theater Saturday."  Then I say, "No, I don't know them."  This conversation happens approximately 4 times, and then you have the epiphany.  I am square.

*I realize I have officially gone nuts with the brackets usage in this post.

Zen moment with Perrin.  

"Can you put the food in my mouth while I sleep?"

Babies are hard.

One of the things about having a baby (and maybe this is true for a child of any age...oh dear god) that stands out to me as a new parent is just the way in which you can never relax.  Maybe I should speak for myself, but I imagine this is fairly prevalent feeling among parents.  To be honest, I don't know how we do it--live as though walking on egg shells for so long.  Obviously it can be done--Perrin is getting ready to turn one and we continue to carry on, and the current world population is over 7 billion people--so people are managing.  But sometimes, especially when I am over tired and Perrin is in a grumpy mood, I just don't see how we do it.

When she is napping or sleeping at night, I am trying to be quiet and constantly listening for her--even when I am not consciously doing so.  When she is awake and playing or eating you are on edge watching for dangerous things that could go in her mouth, things that can be pulled down or over--always with the looming threat of the cry or at least emergence of the grumpkin. 

I frequently find myself thinking, "Why did no one warn me that I would feel uptight and not be able to relax--for years?"  But why would they?  No sense giving a parent-to-be more to worry about when there is not one thing they can do to make it not so. I have always considered myself a laid-back person; and I still try to put up that front.  But man, this business is not for the faint of heart.

~

For Joseph's first Father's Day we ate some breakfast out at The Fat Frog Cafe, then went to the Botanic Gardens in the big city.  Perrin was pretty antsy at the restaurant since she was missing her nap, but it did enable us to eat a Nutella crepe, so bring it on baby.

The Denver Botanic Gardens are so beautiful.  Just walking through the air filled with all those flower smells does your soul good.  

It rained a bit which gave us the opportunity to seek shelter in a sweet little gazebo with an ice cream cone.  Perrin stayed in a pretty good mood all day, but napped surprisingly little.  I guess flowers are just too exciting.  The Gardens also have a wonderful children's area--sort of a mini garden with a built stream for wading and some play areas.  

So happy late Father's Day to you Joseph.  You two make quite a pair.  My favorite pair.  

Parenting Books

A few weeks ago I realized that Perrin was starting to do things that I didn't want her to do, and I wasn't sure when it would start being constructive for me to tell her "no."  This sounds like a petty thing, but when it is your first child and they have not yet had the physical skills or the will to do anything too rotten, it is a very strange feeling to suddenly hold them accountable for their actions for the first time.   

Perrin's main two offenses right now are pushing buttons on the stereo and pulling books off of shelves.  She can be pretty persistent too...she will crawl way out of her way to get around me and whatever I am trying to block her way with to get to the stereo.  I try not to kick up too much of a fuss because I don't want her to do it just to get attention.  So I just say "no" in a voice that I hope sounds firm and authoritative, pick her up and plunk her down in front of something that is invariably less fun than the stereo.  Sometimes this works, sometimes we do this dance three or four times in a row.  

The point being, I picked up a few parenting books at the library and have been doing some reading.  While I know I could raise my daughter just fine without out research, I do appreciate some good scientific research on baby brains and tested advice from people with experience.  

There are three that stood out to me as pretty logical and grounded, but one stood out even from the other two.  It was Brain Rules for Baby, How to Raise a Smart and Happy child from 0 - 5  by John Medina.  This one was just enough science for people who what to know the WHY of it all.  The book refers to a lot of studies and brain research, but isn't dry at all.  He is able to distill lots of scientific information into a manageable about of bullet points that you can really focus on instead letting you wallow in so much information that your brain just rejects it all.  One of my favorite take aways was EMPATHY.  That helping your child develop it is a major advantage for them, now and into adulthood.  He also talks about the importance of modeling it for them in your relationships with other family members.  Empathy is just good for everybody.  

Another book I found lots of useful information in was Simplicity Parenting,  Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids  by Kim John Payne, M.Ed  This one is about simplifying our kids stuff, the speed of our daily lives and our routines (or lack thereof).  Most of what was in this book felt like it really agreed with my instincts, and some seemed obvious after reading it, but it was good to have it stated explicitly so that you could give it conscience thought.  

Lastly, I liked Raising a Self-Reliant Child,  A back to basics parenting plan from birth to age 6  by Dr. Alanna Levine.  This one emphasizes giving your child the freedom to do for themselves that they are able to do on their own-- whether it is feeding, dressing, walking, play.  Lots of this felt fairly common sense, but again, I think it is good to give explicit thought to some of these seemingly common sense things, so that you can CHOOSE to have these behaviors instead of probably/maybe falling into doing them.
 
Ok, P's nap can't last much longer...Here are some pictures of the Perrin happenings this week.  Enjoy the weekend!

 

I need to be folding laundry...

Right now I need to be folding laundry and stuffing diaper shells...but I am having a beer and as I drink it, I am seeing how all the things I thought I needed to do tonight (including showering myself) seem like things that, really, I could probably fit in tomorrow morning before Joseph gets home from his work trip.  I haven't even feed myself dinner and it is 8:20, but it just seems like so much trouble right now.  Perrin is in bed---I just want to sit on the couch with my beer and pet my cats.  I feel like a bachelor- minus the cat part.

~

I know numerous people right now who are pregnant with their 2nd and 3rd babies.  There is just something about other people you know having babies that makes you feel like you are running late when it isn't you.  Something in your brain just thinks, I've got to get on this. We are behind!  Why is that?  My only hurry would be (this is going to sound harsh) I am looking forward to having newborn stage babies behind me forever!  No baby #3 for us...and the first months were so stressful that I would like to go ahead and get it over with sooner than later and just get on with the business AND PLEASURE of being with my family who can all hold their own heads up and sleep through the night.  

Ok.  I'm going to get up and do things that need to be done.  Grrr.  Have a nice weekend all!

"You don't want 10 more of me, mama?  But I am so darling and sweet--just look at me!  Oh, and I just threw up a little on the floor over there."
-Perrin

 

Irrational

I have been thinking about how parenthood makes people pretty irrational.  The other night I was in bed reading while J was getting ready.  He was opening drawers on his big old wooden dresser that are very heavy and creak like crazy when opened and shut.  All I could think in that moment was...Perrin is going to wake up!  What the hell are you doing?  Why would you be opening those drawers right now except that you want to ruin my night and our baby's sleep.  You hate me and everything that is good and wholesome in this world!  

Of course I said nothing because the poor man was just trying to put on his pajamas.  And concurrent with those thoughts was...This is no way to live.  Chill out.  Neither does my husband hate me, nor everything that is good and wholesome.  Crazy lady.  This is one example of something that happens numerous times a day.  Big things, smaller things...thinking it might be possible for Perrin to choke on a piece of lint she just found on the floor and popped into her mouth and is now chewing.  It can be difficult to relax and keep rational perspective when dealing with your children.  This is something I am going to try to get better about...because poor J.  I don't like to be mean to him in my irrational controlling mom internal dialog.  


Perrin's crawling is progressing slowly.  She seems to sometimes forget that she knows how to do it, so she will just sit and play with what is right around her or roll to something near by.  But when she does go, it sure is fun to see.  Here she is with her first crawling conquest, my camera cord.  

Today we went outside in a little green space right near our house to get some fresh air before nap time.  It is a beautiful 60 degree day and being outside tends to put P in a good mood if things have gotten a little testy.  I think with the crawling revelation she is just slightly out of sorts, but sitting out on the blanket in the sunshine made us both feel good.

To decompartmentalization!

Found a new great place yesterday evening in downtown Littleton.  I am hoping it can become our place.  I have always wanted to have a place.  It is called Jake's Brew Bar and is in an old downtown building with high ceilings with a nice throw back feel; a cool place that isn't trying hard to be cool.  This was one on the nicest evenings we have had in a while and we just stumbled into it.  Perrin and I were walking downtown just to get out of the house and stretch our legs.  Joseph called and said he had left work a bit early and could be at the train station to meet us downtown in 30min.  So we met him and thought we would try out this new place on Main Street.  We walked there and since it was a bar I started to think maybe we shouldn't take Perrin in and bother other patrons with possible baby issues.

So we got to the doorway and peeked in.  We saw another small baby and a toddler, so we had our ticket in.  We sat down and ordered a couple of beers and started talking to the woman with the toddler who was beside us.  The little boy was on the floor playing with toys and the woman invited Perrin to sit down with him to play. 

So there we are, drinking happy hour beers at 5:30 on a friday evening, with our daughter playing happily at our feet, talking to really friendly servers and other patrons.  One server held Perrin, took her to look in the mirror, then to go visit with the baby at another table.  How great was this!?  They brought us beer and took care of our child!  A random fact was that our server also turned out to have been on the show Survivor for two seasons (we were informed by another patron)...ah, random brush with celebrity.  Aaaany way... 

What I enjoyed so much about this experience was that I didn't just feel like we were having parent time, or just baby time.  We all three got to hang out together where we all got to have a good time and no one was sacrificing anything...P got to play and be social and so did we.  Usually our lives as parents tend to feel like oil and water with parent time and grown up time.  It was incredibly refreshing to feel whole.  Gotta figure out more ways to do that.

Perrin moment of zen..."Are YOU looking at ME?"

Cloth diapering and stubbornnes, related...not necessarily.

Since about 2 months old we have been cloth diapering Perrin. We decided to do it before she was born for a couple of reasons. First, because it saves a lot of money over time, and second, for environmental reasons. When I was pregnant it would come up in conversation with people that we were going to cloth diaper. Almost always, they would give me this sweet pitying look that said, they knew just how that was going to go down.  Then they would go one to tell you of someone they knew who tried cloth diapers for awhile, only to give up--just as I would.

It turns out that we are still using cloth, and it really isn't that hard. Of course, I am not working outside the home, so that does play a role in giving me the time to wash diapers every other day and then stuff them with the inserts at night.  At first I thought I might continue with cloth even if it was a pain out of sheer stubbornness, just because everyone seemed to think I would quit.  I have been pleased to realize that I am not doing it out of stubbornness; I kind of like it. Washing and stuffing the liners back in the clean multicolored shells feels like this comforting ritual; you know, because women are just naturally passionate about cleaning, like in those commercials where it looks like the women wants to make love to her disinfecting counter-top cleanser.  Aaaanyway, the point is, it just isn't as hard or time consuming as you might think.  

Here is a quick little run down of cloth diapering in case you are curious how it works or might want to try it on the tiny butt in your family.  

- First you have to choose which ones you want...this is the hardest part.  There are more brands out there than you can imagine unless you have already waded into that world in the last handful of years.  I did tons of research, but sort of ultimately picked the same ones my brother and sister-in-law were going to use for their daughter who is very close in age to ours.  ...tired of diaper research, they are smart people, lets follow suit...  We are using Bum Genius 4.0, which seems to have been a good choice.  Thank you Jodi and Dan!

  
These close with hook and loop (like Velcro) and have a pocket that an absorbent insert goes into.  Also, the size is adjustable, so you don't have to keep buying new ones as your baby grows, which is good because they cost about $18 for each shell (comes with 2 inserts, one small, one larger). 

Generally cloth diapers need to be changed every two hours during the day, ...then it just depends one how often you plan on washing them in order to decide how many to buy...starting with a supply around 20 worked for us. 

-  I have 1 diaper pail for cloth and one lidded trash bin for used wipes and the occasional disposable diaper.  Plus a small plastic bin on top the table to toss the dirty diaper in until I can spray it off in the toilet or just pull out the liner and shove both parts in the diaper pail.

- I wash diapers every other day.  You have to use cloth diaper safe detergent (as well as diaper rash creams); what makes them safe is that they don't have ingredients that cause the diaper to start repelling urine, mostly animal derived substances, and they rinse completely out without leaving residue that can irritate the baby's bottom.

- You want to use a hot wash cycle to sanitize, and running an extra rinse cycle is a good idea to make sure all the detergent is rinsed out really well.  Then the diaper shells need to air dry, but the inserts can be put in the dryer.

There isn't much else to it.  They have come a long way since the white squares of cloth with pins in the sides that our grandmas remember. 

ZEN MOMENT WITH PERRIN..."Oooooo, tassels."