Grams

My Grams died just after this past Christmas.  I still don't feel like I have wrapped my brain around this fact.  The world of co-workers and friends are moving on and somehow I feel as if I am expected not to talk about my Grams everyday; but all I really want to do is talk about how my Grandma used to do this, used to say that, her house was like this, and her skin felt that...I don't think I am supposed to do this anymore.  But I just keep thinking about her so much.  There is the guilt I have for calling and writing her so little.  Why would I have done that??  But I'm sure Grams understood and probably thought nothing of it.  Such an understanding woman she was, so I am trying to let that go.  

I thought it might help me to talk about her a bit here so that is what I will do.  When I was a kid we would drive the 2.5 hours south to Ft. Branch, IN to visit our Grandparents on holidays and at other random times.  We kids always looked so forward to it.  That house with its yellow kitchen, basement with the creepy fisherman oil painting and the laundry chute you could fit down was the embodiment of all things good to me.  We loved our grandparents terribly and Grams was the heart of all of it.  

Now sitting here trying to write about her I am frustrated--I can't find the core of the matter--I can't tell you each thing about her that was so lovable and how she made me feel so loved.  I feel like one fan amongst many, shouting the impersonal praises of a celebrity or something...  


My Grams was amazing.  She was strong and didn't judge, but wasn't afraid to show us her love with hugs and kisses even though she wasn't gushy about it.  She would try to get off the telephone with you when you did call her because she didn't want your long distance bill to be too high-- so you had to say your piece really fast.  I don't remember ever hearing her say an unkind or unfair thing about another person and she would listen to you for as long as you wanted to talk (as long as you weren't on the phone).  

She was just a wonderful grandma and I hope she knew that all her grandchildren felt that way about her.  We all got terribly lucky.  I love you so much Grams.  I'm sorry you didn't get to meet my son- and he you- but I will tell Perrin and True all about you.  I miss you. I love you. Thanks for being my Grams.  

Two

Sometimes I look at True and see a moment where he looks just like Perrin when she was a baby.  It made me want to take this chance to share some fun pairings.

Perrin

True

Perrin

True

Perrin

True

Perrin

True

These two kids make me feel alternately lucky and like I might lose my mind--as it is with kids.  Parents inevitably comment on how hard it can be to raise their kids--the monotony, the unreasonable nature of toddlers, the way you always feel like you are shorting one kid on attention, choosing between sitting down with them to pretend some silly little thing or get chores done around the house.  

To me it can too often feel like I am choosing the wrong thing no matter what I do...the dishes REALLY need to be cleaned up, but my 2 year old REALLY needs me to talk to her using her grasshopper puppet.  Of course balance is always the answer; so we try as best we can.  Sometimes Netflix auto-play of Daniel Tiger gets a work out, and sometimes we don't have any clean butter knives.  Ok.

I try not to wish away their childhood and babyhood, especially knowing we aren't having anymore kids.  But it is hard not to wistfully dream of the day when you don't have to negotiate your way through dinner and dessert, and when no one will wake you up in tears.  I would say that parenthood is more demanding than I imagined before undertaking it, but you never imagined the purity, the achingly sweet moments that you share with these brand new people.  These moments usually happen in between the tedious everyday bits--I still don't understand how one child's smile or quirky toddler kindness can so completely disarm you--but it happens and I love it.  

So the take away here: It's really hard.  Have a beer and a hot bath.

I'm awake!

It is 9pm and Perrin has been in bed since 7:30.  We could hear increasingly loud sounds coming from her room so Joseph turns on the video monitor to take a look.  She is doing downward dog pose on her bed with her butt pointed at the camera and loudly proclaiming, "I'm awake mama! I'm awake papa!" 

Thank you, Perrin, for the clarification.   She went on to sing "Let it go! Let it go!" (song from Frozen) complete with large sweeping arm motions.  Joseph has finally given up on her settling down and is in her room right now in negotiations.  Spying on the monitor, I see there is a music box and papa serenades involved.  I don't hear singing coming from her room anymore so that means she is sleeping peacefully, right?


Yesterday evening during her bath, she was pretending to be a monster and would growl and roar and say she was eating me up.  When she got out of the bath and was streaking around the house before we could get pjs on her, we hear her say, "Monster peed."  

I go to check it out and she is using her stuffed orangutan, George, to mop up the pee on the floor. 

Me: No! Perrin, don't use your animals to clean up pee! Now he's all dirty!

Perrin: (crying) Monster crying (sniff sniff, tear).


True is doing regular baby stuff.  Soiling things, laying around having puffy cheeks and grinning at the insects dangling from his mobile.  (He loves those dang insects.)  

True and Simon. Turns out cats and babies like all the same stuff.

Oh my eyelid!

So the other night Puck decided at 2:30 that he needed to cuddle my head.  He walks along my body waking me up so that I would be nice and awake when he...gets his claw stuck IN MY EYELID!  I got up and went to the bathroom to wash the blood away and see what sort of care it would need.  There was a tiny scrape.  I couldn't believe it! A tiny scrape?! It had felt like I was lucky to come away with my eyeball intact and I was already imagining that I would have to start sleeping in some sort of helmet to keep me safe.  Tiny scrape or not, when he came up and tried to cuddle last night he was not a happy kitty.  

Our little True is doing well, as are his parents who are getting a decent amount of sleep.  This guy likes to sleep.  Of course he doesn't sleep straight through, but he likes to sleep from about 9pm to 10am in general.  It is usually digestive system stuff that wakes him, but if you take care of that, he is happy to go right back to sleep.  You can even lay him down in his crib awake and he will almost always be fine with it.  Good baby.  

 Last night at dinner, I had True sitting in a baby chair on the floor near the table.  I saw Perrin trying to peer around me and she says, "I wanna see my baby True."  So I scooched his chair over near her then she was able to go on with her dinner.  She is enjoying True about as much as a 2 year old can enjoy a tiny crying immovable thing.  I had them both on my lap yesterday to read a book and, with no prompt from me, she grabbed her brother's hand to hold.  He would jerk it away due to his erratic baby movements, but she would just get it and hold on again.  Or when he starts crying she will instruct me, "Mama, he wants the milk" or "Mama, pick him up!" with urgency.  I can't decide if it is bossy or sweet.  Probably sweet.

I have already been looking to Christmas and getting excited.  My mom is flying out to be with us for a few weeks, plus something about having more kids around, even when they aren't old enough to appreciate the holiday (or poop free pants) makes me yearn for the magic of Christmas.  

This Christmas we have been informed that Santa is sending our family an elf named Rupert  Jinglebottom to make sure all is well with our holiday spirit the month of Christmas.  Hopefully Rupert won't make too much mischief and mess. I have been reading this blog that got me excited about our elf, but she is a pretty funny writer in general.  Mostly I read it when I am nursing in the middle of the night and trying not to fall asleep. 

Anyway, I have heard that some of these Christmas elves are sweet and cheery, and that when their families wake up they find the elf has made cookies or decorated for the holiday.  I have this funny feeling that Rupert is going to be a bit of a trouble maker. 
    We can only hope for the best and be thankful that Santa didn't forget us.  Here's hoping he won't do anything too crazy like tp the Christmas tree or swap out the children's gifts with crummy gag gifts and hide the real presents.  We shall see when we meet Rupert in December.  

I just wanted to share a handful of pics that were taken of True when he was 2 weeks old.  They are too sweet to keep to ourselves, in my completely unbiased opinion. 

 

 

Anyone still there?

So, I haven't posted here since I went back to work.  It turns out working 30 hours a week, running a baby to daycare and back, plus keeping it entertained and alive while at home takes up a good deal of time.  I have been wanting to post for a while but instead have been choosing more mentally lazy past times like reading my really fun fantasy novel, The Name of the Wind, or watching some tv with Joseph (and when I say "some tv," I mean barely making it through one episode of News Room, before dragging self to bed at 9pm).  The point here really isn't- or shouldn't be- that we are busy and tired.  

The point should be that at this moment Perrin is napping, Joseph and I are out on the balcony on this chilly morning, while it quietly rains around us. Joseph is studying, while I write this post just for you. I pulled the lounge chair over between us and put a blanket on it for Simon, so he is all cozied up out here too. Life is very good right now. Oh, and we are drinking hot coffee--you get it---it's awesome.  

In short, our new lifestyle of J being in school, P in daycare 3 days a week and me working 4 days a week, has turned out to work well for our family so far.  I am happier getting out of the house more and having more adult time (even if it is while I am working), Joseph is certainly happier in school than when he was working and Perrin likes the babysitter, Katie, just fine.  Especially because she has a gentle giant of a dog, a St. Bernard named Peaches.  Katie says that whenever Perrin is ready for her nap, she crawls over to Peaches, lays her head on the dog, and sucks her thumb--thus requesting her nap please. I love it.  It's too bad that by definition I can never see it happen.  Oh, well.  Perrin is happy, so I am happy.  

Perrin still only has 2 teeth, but we think that the top two are on their way.  She does enjoy brushing her teeth.  We have a brush for her to use and then another that we use on her, sort of at the same time.  That way, she feels like she is participating, and the teeth do actually get brushed.  She sits on her little yellow stool in the bathroom to do it right before her bath.  

 Above are pictures from her first visit to Monkey Bizness, an indoor play area near us.  Relaxing it is not, as you must make sure no giant 2 year old runs over her or that she gets up some stairs into this little Keebler Elf tree then can't get back down.  But, I'm glad to have found this Monkey Bizness place so that we will have a fun spot to play when it gets cold.  Winter is coming. (Like in Game of Thrones, duh...)  


Perrin is due to wake at any moment, so I can't get into much more right now.  But thanks for coming back to check in!  Hope you have a nice weekend...maybe with less flash flooding than we have been having.  Oh, and less water dripping from the ceiling in your daughters closet.