My Grams died just after this past Christmas. I still don't feel like I have wrapped my brain around this fact. The world of co-workers and friends are moving on and somehow I feel as if I am expected not to talk about my Grams everyday; but all I really want to do is talk about how my Grandma used to do this, used to say that, her house was like this, and her skin felt that...I don't think I am supposed to do this anymore. But I just keep thinking about her so much. There is the guilt I have for calling and writing her so little. Why would I have done that?? But I'm sure Grams understood and probably thought nothing of it. Such an understanding woman she was, so I am trying to let that go.
I thought it might help me to talk about her a bit here so that is what I will do. When I was a kid we would drive the 2.5 hours south to Ft. Branch, IN to visit our Grandparents on holidays and at other random times. We kids always looked so forward to it. That house with its yellow kitchen, basement with the creepy fisherman oil painting and the laundry chute you could fit down was the embodiment of all things good to me. We loved our grandparents terribly and Grams was the heart of all of it.
Now sitting here trying to write about her I am frustrated--I can't find the core of the matter--I can't tell you each thing about her that was so lovable and how she made me feel so loved. I feel like one fan amongst many, shouting the impersonal praises of a celebrity or something...
My Grams was amazing. She was strong and didn't judge, but wasn't afraid to show us her love with hugs and kisses even though she wasn't gushy about it. She would try to get off the telephone with you when you did call her because she didn't want your long distance bill to be too high-- so you had to say your piece really fast. I don't remember ever hearing her say an unkind or unfair thing about another person and she would listen to you for as long as you wanted to talk (as long as you weren't on the phone).
She was just a wonderful grandma and I hope she knew that all her grandchildren felt that way about her. We all got terribly lucky. I love you so much Grams. I'm sorry you didn't get to meet my son- and he you- but I will tell Perrin and True all about you. I miss you. I love you. Thanks for being my Grams.
